7 Ways To Handle Brokenness And Loneliness

In this sojourn called Life, you might have found yourself in situations in which you lack proper words to explain. When you are left confused, lost and in despair. A moment, when you feel so broken and lonely.

As if there is a heavy and gloomy cloud around you. You can feel it, but the more you try to understand what has happened or is happening to you, the more you feel so powerless to do something to escape from its cage. Some say it is the lowest ebb when life means nothing anymore. Emptiness becomes a daily experience.

And as if that is not enough, all of a sudden, you realize you are all alone in your world; like an outcast, good for nothing, you become so dejected that fear and feeling of rejection sets in, anger becomes a daily food. At nights, the sound of your teeth becomes your only music and tears become your best facial cleansing solution. 



    

What I mean is;

• Have you ever been jilted by your partner without letting you know your offense or giving you chance to make amends?

•  Have you ever lost a loved one, so close to your life. Just when you were hoping for the great miracle, he/she breathe her last?

• Have you ever found yourself betrayed by a trusted friend, someone who by virtue of your closeness has become path of your daily routine and all of a sudden, he broke off and left you with nothing?

•  Have you ever found yourself so far away from God that you feel like taking your life in despair? Believing your sin is beyond forgiveness? 

• Have you ever been deserted by your family or friends, because to them you are a failure, or you did the unforgivable. And you seem to be alone in the world? 

• You cried when your world crashed because you lost your mother or father or the only father-figure in your life

• Have you been looking for a child and after several years, when the pregnancy came, the next thing was miscarriage?

•  Have you worked so hard for a dream only for you to see it shattered at the 11^th hour?

If you have, or have found yourself in worse situations, you will understand what i mean. Are you in such a situation right now? Then this write up is for you. 

I am not in any way trying to proffer solutions, but to open a window of options that can help you recapture your inner self and stand again. 

I might not understand how you feel right now but trust me; I have been there several times. Yes I mean several times. I have been to the theater of brokenness and loneliness. I assure you, there is a way out. Follow me;

    1. You Are Not Unlovable

Yes! I mean you are still capable of loving and being loved. It has nothing to do with what the other person think or believe. Only a heart capable of loving can be broken. You will observe that you normally feel more hurt when a close friend or loved one does something bad to you than when the same treatment on you comes from someone not so close. 

In other words, you got so broken because you loved to the point of putting your heart on the line. You can still do it again. Yes it hurts, but you are now wiser and at the end you will surely be stronger.

   2.  If you need to cry, Please do. 

 In the words of Washington Irvin;  

“There is Sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of WEAKNESS, but of POWER. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of Overwhelming GRIEF…. And unspeakable LOVE”

Tears are like a soothing balm. They help open up the heart for some ray of hope to peep in. Note I said peep, because when you are in a broken state, hope is a distant word. Yet it is only HOPE that can keep you hanging on till the raging storm ceases. 

But there is a caveat here. Your cry must have an expiry date. For the period you found yourself in a lonely and broken state, yes. May be ones in a while, you hurt and you cry.

Crying by itself is not a way out, but the ushering of hope is the essence.Remember, there is a difference between crying and wailing. Do not wail; all is not lost.

    3. You Are Still Alive

You know there are moments in your brokenness when the strength to continue living vanishes and all that might be popping into your head is “Does it is matter at all if am dead Now”, or “Am I not a living corpse”. Figuratively, yes, you might say a living corpse, but in reality a corpse does not have feelings, and as such cannot be broken. You are broken means you are fully alive. 

“I am alive then what;? Well, have you seen a tree that was cut down without uprooting the tap root from the ground? If you ever notice, the tree most times will sprout a bud and then a small leaf and then a stem and before you know it, a fresh and more rooted tree is now standing again and may be this time with more branches.

We used to have such a tree in my mother’s farm. In fact, it was a fruitless breadfruit tree. Out of anger, my mother decided to cut it because it refused to bear fruit. But coming back after sometime to farm we noticed that it has sprouted up and was growing again. So out of pity, my mother decided to allow it. After some months, the tree grew back and this time to our amazement it had fruits on it. Initially we were like these ones will not stay, but not only did the fruits ripe, the tree become our main source of breadfruit.

Make a decision today to live on. Tell yourself, no matter what I am going through, the loss I have suffered, the heart break, the shattered dream, as long as I am alive I can begin anew.

This is what S.J Wickham said about brokenness and fresh beginning.

“The greatest paradox in the world is that only from comprehensive brokenness is there a full and fresh beginning”

Remember my mother’s breadfruit tree, and then you cannot but agree with this statement.


   4. Do NOT Pity Yourself 

Safe pity is a destructive approach in moments of grief. It makes you dwell on the situation rather than find a way out. It is better to embrace your brokenness and face it than give it a 'glorified status'. 

Self-pity is equivalent to worshiping your condition, especially in those moments when nobody seems to understand you. There is always someone who will understand.

Make an effort to engage in something you enjoy doing, open up your heart. Reach out to people who can encourage and empower your spirit. Find something that makes you happy. Try and avoid activities that remind you of your grief. 

There is something about you that always makes you happy and proud, connect to it. Remember you are still capable of loving.

    5. Stop Comparing Yourself With Others

You are who you are. One thing a moment of grief brings to us is the modest realization of whom we really are. And anyone in a broken state, who misses that fact, is on a difficult path. You need to realize that God made you so unique that everything about you is unique. And if so, then why go comparing. 

  6. You Are Not Alone

You might be wondering if i am crazy. You are saying you are lonely and broken and I am saying that you are not alone. Let me say it again with emphasis, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, because God the maker of all things visible and invisible is still on the throne. And as long as God cannot be dethroned, you cannot be alone in your situation, but that will come if you believe.

I don’t know the God you serve right now, but there is Someone special you need to reach out to right now. A great Friend, Healer, Shepherd, Consoler, Restorer, and Redeemer in the person of Jesus Christ; the life-giving Saviour, who always come to the rescue of those burdened by grief. Jesus said, 

“Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give rest”- Matthew 11:28

Again His words;

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised" - Luke 4:8

If he can raise the dead and give life back to dry bones; joining them tendon to tendon and breathing life into them, how bad is your brokenness that the Lord of heaven cannot handle?

It is time to redirect your cry to heaven. This is what I call a ‘purposeful cry’. A cry with a mission; to draw down the hands of The Great I AM to take charge of your situation. Hannah cried, and the Lord gave her Samuel and her years of ridicule vanished.

Connect to God in prayer, ask Him to heal your heart. He is faithful and  just to come to your aid.

  7. Give Thanks

 Changing your situation or reversing the events that broke you, i believe does not lie within your power, but you have every reason and ability to be grateful.

 

You saw this write up, you were moved to read through. That means you are seeking for a way out and it also means you are very much alive.

Give thanks to the almighty God for an opportunity of a new day.There is nothing impossible for a man who put his trust in God. Against all odds, as long you are alive and have a relationship with God, you surely will overcome. It might be a slow healing process, long waiting to get answers to your prayer, but surely you will overcome. 

You saw this message because you  have access to the internet and that also means you have access to a computer or smart mobile device. You see why you need to give thanks; that even in your brokenness, you can still reach out and be reached. 

Give thanks, because in thanksgiving your heart attracts inner healing. There is an energy that is released when you assume the state of gratitude.

I will leave you with this message from the letter of St Paul to the Philippians

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" - Philippians 4: 6-7

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